And I’d choose you in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality. I’d find you and I’d choose you.”
– Kiersten White, “The Chaos of Stars“
Justin and I have been married for a little over 2 years now. Just because we haven‘t been married long doesn’t mean I haven’t learned anything. I’ve known my husband since I was 15 years old (we met in driver’s ed) but when we got married, it was still an adjustment. Though I’ve learned many things over our 2 years, these are my top 15 things I’ve learn about being married. Some of these are meant to be funny and others are meant to serious. I hope you find them helpful and relatable.
15. Just because you marry a car guy doesn’t mean that nothing will ever go wrong with your car and it doesn’t mean that he knows exactly what’s wrong with it when it goes wrong. He doesn’t know what every little noise or light means. He’s going to Google it just like you would.
14. He has no earthly idea how the toilet paper roll gets onto the toilet paper holder. He will use up the roll on the holder, get a new roll, use it and put it on the vanity, leaving the empty roll on the holder for the magic toilet paper roll changing fairy to fix later. (Just so you know, that’s you, Wifey!)
13. No matter how many times he’s been in the kitchen, he still has no idea where anything is. Correction: He knows where the hot sauce, plates/bowls, and silverware are…oh and his fruit cups. Other than that he’s at a loss.
12. Folding towels is hard for him. Just let him fold them however he deems appropriate and you can refold them later. Or you can teach him how to fold them “the right way“. WARNING: This will take several, and I mean SEVERAL, attempts!!!
11. Getting a dozen chocolate covered strawberries is WAAAAY better than getting a dozen roses. (Although roses are nice too…just saying.)
10. I could be dressed like I’m going to the Oscars or just put on the most stained up, mixed–matched pj’s after a long day at work…in his eyes, I’m still the most beautiful–est woman in the whole wide world!
9. He doesn’t always have to be the romantic one. That role can be played by any character. But it doesn’t have to be something crazy extravagant that would put the best Rom-Coms to shame. Men are simple beings that like simple things. When you stop to get gas, run in and get his favorite drink/candy. Cook him his favorite meal. Bake some homemade cookies (recipe). Ask him to dance with you in the kitchen. We’re not talking about super complicated shit that took 425,824,874 months to plan. Small gestures go a long way.
8. Piggy-backing off the fact that “small gestures go a long way“…Say “thank you” for the small things. Please. I beg you. It can make so much of a difference. We all want to feel important and needed. Every single night my husband thanks me for dinner regardless if it’s something I slaved over for hours or leftovers I heated up. He’s even thanked me for dinner and all I did was order pizza…that he paid for. I’ve thanked him for taking out the trash, helping me wash our dogs, and getting something down for me that I couldn’t reach. If you don’t recognize the little day–to–day things then what’s the point of the big stuff? Do you really appreciate the big gestures if you can’t see the small ones? You honestly have no idea how big of a game changer “thank you” is until you start using it.
7. The titles of “Husband” and “Wife” are an honor, not a privilege. Just because you’re someone’s (insert title) doesn’t give you the right to say and do whatever you want and treat your partner like garbage. Marriage is an ADULT decision made by two ADULTS! Not someone with the mindset of, “oh, they’re my (insert title). They HAVE to love me no matter what.” No, no they don’t. Sorry to break it to you. A person can only be pushed so far until they say, “enough is enough“. Please be kind and don’t take the ones you love for granted.
6. You HAVE to be willing to grow. If you aren’t willing to grow as an individual, let alone as a couple, just spare all of us the time and money and don’t get married. If you’re not willing to put in the time to evaluate who you are and how you can become a better human being in order for your spouse to grow and become a better human being, you might as well stop while you’re ahead. Marriage is hard. And I’d like to think I have a semi–easy marriage but at times it’s still hard. Be better and do better. It’s not all about you anymore.
5. Selfishness is no longer a luxury. You now have another person (or persons if you have children) that relies on you and looks to you for help and guidance. When you put that wedding ring on and said “I do“, you become a team player. And as we all know, “there’s no ‘i’ in ‘team’“! Someone else now lives in your space. Your space isn’t your space anymore. You’re going to have to return to your kindergarten roots and remember how to share again.
4. Being selfish and having alone time are two TOTALLY different things! Being alone is a good thing. Hell, it’s a GREAT thing! Spending time with the same person 24/7 will drive you absolutely insane. Take some time for yourself to regroup. Start a hobby. Read a book in a quiet room (if you have one of those). Take a solo shopping trip to your favorite place(s). Lock the bathroom door and take a nice long bath. Start a blog ;). You’ll be amazed at what 30 minutes of alone time can do for the soul. Regroup. Refocus. Recharge. Take time for yourself so you can be a productive human being.
3. Men have a one track mind. Yes, you may have asked him to vacuum but if he goes off to do something else he’s not going to remember to vacuum. Don’t get your panties in a wad. Just ask him again. There’s no need to turn it into a fight.
2. With that being said, fighting is inevitable. Disagreeing is inevitable. I’m not a person to fight or argue. I’ve seen what it can do to people and a marriage and I try to avoid it at all costs. Unfortunately there’s no possible way you and your spouse could ever agree on absolutely everything under the sun. You are two completely different people with two complete different minds and ways of thinking. You may have common areas but you aren’t the same person. You can’t agree on everything. My thing is when you fight, fight about something important like how you’re being treated or how your spouse doesn’t think to include you in their decisions or how you feel undermined by your spouse sometimes. Not something stupid or meaningless or pointless to what your marriage is and what it stands for. Have more patience with your partner on the smaller things. Don’t turn them into bigger things. A dish will still be a dish, regardless of who puts it up. Trash will still be trash, regardless of who takes it out.
1. ALWAYS say “I love you“. No matter what the fight was about or who started it or how it ended or if it’s still going…say “I love you“.
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